Fast

(A Loose Interpretation of a Serious Conversation Between Two Three Year Olds and One Five Year Old Regarding the Relative Speed of Mostly Living Things)

1. Establishing Speed

I’m super fast!
Are you faster than a car?
No, I’m faster than a kid!
Well, I’m faster than lighting!
We’re fast!

2. Onto Hoppers, Swimmers and Mammals

Kangaroos and rabbits and frogs hop.
And kangaroos win.
Yeah, kangaroos swim!
No, kangaroos are mammals; they don’t swim.
Yeah, they’re mammals!
You don’t even know what a mammal is.

(Thoughtful silence)

I said kangaroos win not swim.

3. Swimming Begets Speed; Long Necks Do Not

Stingrays are fast but not giraffes.
Giraffes are really really tall and they walk.
But turtles are fast; they swim.

4. Five Year Old Voice of Wisdom and Reason

Guys, lets say gazelles are the fastest.
I-mean-zebras-I-mean-cheetahs!

(Enter diplomacy)

But we can just pretend they’re all fast.

5. Voice of a Three Year Old Aspiring Superhero

Spiderman is fast.

(Pause)

(Seeking five year old approval)

Spiders can win.

(Five-year-old-“I-know- better”-patient-silence)

6. The Other Three Year Old’s Final Word on the Subject

Yeah.

(Quiet contentment from the back two rows of the minivan)