January

(Happy New Year!)

Fever,
sick.
Fever, fever,
sick, sick.
Fever, fever, fever.
Sick, sick, sick.
Fever, fever
sick, sick.
Fever,
sick,
snow.

Snow, snow, snow, snow
shovel, shovel, snow.
Snow, snow, snow, snow
shovel, shovel snow.

What time is it in China?
When will Daddy call?
What time is it in China?
When will Daddy call?
What time is it in China?
When will Da-

Ni Hao, Daddy!
I love you.
Ni Hao, Daddy!
I love you.
Ni Hao, Daddy!
I love you.
Ni Hao, Honey.
I miss you.

Snow, snow, snow, snow
shovel, shovel, snow.

Fever,
sick.
Fever, fever,
sick, sick.
Fever, fever, fever.
Sick, sick, sick.
Fever, fever
sick, sick.
Fever,
sick,
snow.

Snow, snow, snow, snow
shovel, shovel, snow.
Snow, snow, snow, snow
shovel, shovel, snow.
Snow, snow, snow, snow
shovel, shovel, snow.
(Euthanize the cat.)
Snow.
Snow.
Snow.

Fast

(A Loose Interpretation of a Serious Conversation Between Two Three Year Olds and One Five Year Old Regarding the Relative Speed of Mostly Living Things)

1. Establishing Speed

I’m super fast!
Are you faster than a car?
No, I’m faster than a kid!
Well, I’m faster than lighting!
We’re fast!

2. Onto Hoppers, Swimmers and Mammals

Kangaroos and rabbits and frogs hop.
And kangaroos win.
Yeah, kangaroos swim!
No, kangaroos are mammals; they don’t swim.
Yeah, they’re mammals!
You don’t even know what a mammal is.

(Thoughtful silence)

I said kangaroos win not swim.

3. Swimming Begets Speed; Long Necks Do Not

Stingrays are fast but not giraffes.
Giraffes are really really tall and they walk.
But turtles are fast; they swim.

4. Five Year Old Voice of Wisdom and Reason

Guys, lets say gazelles are the fastest.
I-mean-zebras-I-mean-cheetahs!

(Enter diplomacy)

But we can just pretend they’re all fast.

5. Voice of a Three Year Old Aspiring Superhero

Spiderman is fast.

(Pause)

(Seeking five year old approval)

Spiders can win.

(Five-year-old-“I-know- better”-patient-silence)

6. The Other Three Year Old’s Final Word on the Subject

Yeah.

(Quiet contentment from the back two rows of the minivan)

A List of Things Gone Missing:

fancy, spring-loaded fabric scissors
rubber cement
duct tape

reading glasses
postage stamps
my phone
the Batman cape

his wedding ring
some other things
I’m sure I shouldn’t forget

a binky
(that goes by the name of Pluggy)
Bug-Boy's butterfly net

the hidden gift
the hiding spot
(no longer under the bed)

my sanity
some memories
my head
my head
my head…